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understanding.' This love and friendship without anything of a
physically intimate nature brought me back from the 'deep black
gulf' to which I was swiftly floating. When I met my friend I was
nearly at the end of my tether. What his love and friendship has
done for me, together with Freud's psychoanalytical system,
nobody will ever know.
"Since being in Berlin, a town I like very much, a new life has
opened for me, a life where one lives as one likes if one does
not have to do with young boys. Here are homosexual baths,
pensions, restaurants, and hotels, where you can go with one of
your own sex at a certain fee per hour. Berlin is a revelation.
But since being here I find the physical erotic side of my nature
is little excited. I suppose it is the old story of 'forbidden
"My parents kept a very hospitable home. The last two years in
Sweden I was never at home. I hated society and knew much too
much about the private histories of those who came to my home.
They all belonged to the highest society. The highest society and
the lowest are very much alike. Of course my parents knew nothing
about these people. When I told my mother a great deal of private
history of people who came to our house, she was thunderstruck
and could at last understand my contempt for so-called good
society. I have visited in later years only in artistic and
theatrical circles; I consider that class of people more natural
than the other class and much more kind-hearted.
"My life has quite another side, the mystic side. But that would
be a much longer story than this. Suffice it to say, I am of a
highly sensitive nature, gifted with second sight." [A detailed
record of the subject's visions, premonitions of death of
acquaintances, etc., has been furnished by him.]
"I tried on four occasions to commit suicide, but I now see there
is nothing to be gained by doing so.
"Two years ago I told my parents about my sexual condition. It
was a frightful blow to them. My father had the circumstances
explained to him; he never understood the matter and never
discussed it with me. Had I told him earlier I feel quite certain
that, with his despotic nature, he would have put me in a
madhouse. My mother and sister have treated me very kindly
always. My brother has disowned me."
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