Main  Contacts  
Table of contents
PREFACE
INTRODUCTION-1.1
INTRODUCTION-1.2
INTRODUCTION-1.3
INTRODUCTION-1.4
INTRODUCTION-1.5
INTRODUCTION-1.6
INTRODUCTION-1.7
FOOTNOTES-1
FOOTNOTES-2
THE STUDY OF SEXUAL INVERSION
SEXUAL INVERSION IN MEN-1
SEXUAL INVERSION IN MEN-2
SEXUAL INVERSION IN MEN-3
HISTORY-1-2-3-4
HISTORY-5
HISTORY-6
HISTORY-7-8
HISTORY-9
HISTORY-10-11-12
HISTORY-13-14
HISTORY-15
HISTORY-16-17-18-19
HISTORY-20
HISTORY-21 (begin)
HISTORY-21 (end)
HISTORY-22-23-24
HISTORY-25
HISTORY-26
HISTORY-27
HISTORY-28-29-30-31-32
HISTORY-33
SEXUAL INVERSION IN WOMEN-1
SEXUAL INVERSION IN WOMEN-2
SEXUAL INVERSION IN WOMEN-3
SEXUAL INVERSION IN WOMEN-4
HISTORY-34-35-36-37
HISTORY-38
HISTORY-39.1
HISTORY-39.2
HISTORY-39.3
HISTORY-39.4
FOOTNOTES
THE NATURE OF SEXUAL INVERSION-1
THE NATURE OF SEXUAL INVERSION-2
THE NATURE OF SEXUAL INVERSION-3
THE NATURE OF SEXUAL INVERSION-4
FOOTNOTES
THE THEORY OF SEXUAL INVERSION-1
THE THEORY OF SEXUAL INVERSION-2
THE THEORY OF SEXUAL INVERSION-3
CONCLUSIONS-1
CONCLUSIONS-2
CONCLUSIONS-3
CONCLUSIONS-4
FOOTNOTES
APPENDIX A
APPENDIX B-1
APPENDIX B-2-3-4
INDEX OF AUTHORS

 

HISTORY XXI.--"Almost the earliest recollection I have is of a 

dream, which, from my vivid recollection of its details, must 

have repeated itself, I think, more than once, unless my waking 

thoughts unconsciously added definition. From this dream dated my 

consciousness of the attraction to me of my own sex, which has 

ever since dominated my life. The dream, suggested in part, I 

think, by a picture in an illustrated newspaper of a mob 

murdering a church dignitary, took this form: I dreamed that I 

saw my own father murdered by a gang of ruffians, but I do not 

remember that I felt any grief, though I was actually an 

exceedingly affectionate child. The body was then stripped of its 

clothing and eviscerated. I had at the time no notion of 

anatomical details; but the particulars remain distinct to my 

mind's eye, of entrails uniformly brown, the color of dung, and 

there was no accompaniment of blood. When the abdomen had been 

emptied, the incident in which I became an active participant 

occurred. I was seized (and the fact that I was overpowered 

contributed to the agony of delight it afforded me) and was laid 

between the thighs of my murdered parent; and from there I had 

presently crawled my way into the evacuated, abdomen. The act, so 

far as I can decide of a dream at an age when emission was out of 

the question, caused in me extreme organic excitement. At all 

events, I used afterward definitely to recur to it in the waking 

moments before sleep for the purpose of gaining a state of 

erection. The dream had no outcome; it seemed to reach its goal 

in the excitement it caused. I was at that time between 3 and 4 

years old. (I have been told that erections occurred when I was 

only 2 years old. It was between 3 and 4 that I used to induce, 

at all events, the _sensation_ of an erection. But I was nearer 5 

when, sitting on my bed and waiting to be dressed, I got an 

involuntary erection and called my nurse's attention to it, 

asking what it meant. The _appearance_ must, therefore, have been 

usual to me at that date, but certainly the sensation was not.) 

 

"At that time I was totally ignorant of the conditions, of 

puberty, which afterward, when I discovered them, so powerfully 

affected me. I could not even visualize the private organs of a 

man; I made no deductions from myself. The only naked bodies I 

had seen then--I judge from circumstances, not from any actual 

memory of the facts--were those of my own sisters. In the waking 

dreams which I began to construct, though I recurred often to the 

one already narrated, the goal of my desire was generally to 

nestle between the thighs or to have my face pressed against the 

hinder parts of the object of my worship. But for a time my first 

dream so engrossed me that I did not indulge in any promiscuity. 

Gradually, however, my horizon enlarged, and took in, besides the 

first mentioned, three others: a cousin very much my elder, an 

uncle, and the curate of the parish. 

 

"At this stage I began to invent circumstances for the indulgence 

of my passion. One of the earliest was to imagine myself in a 

tank with my three lovers floating in the water above me. From 

this position I visited their limbs in turn; the attraction 

rested in the thighs and buttocks only. I fancy this limitation 

of the charm to the lower parts only lasted until actual 

experience of a more complete embrace made me as much a lover of 

the arms and breast; indeed, later I became more emotionally 

enamored of these parts than of all the rest. At the beginning of 

things I simply loved best what my mind could first get hold of. 

 

"Quite early in my experience, when I was not more than 5, I 

awoke earlier than usual, and saw my nurse standing in complete 

nudity, commencing her toilet. She seemed to me a gross, coarse, 

and meaningless object; the hair under her armpits displeased me, 

and still more that on the lower part of her body. In the case of 

men, directly I came to have cognizance of the same thing on 

their bodies, the effect was exactly the opposite. It so happened 


Page 1 from 5: [1]  2   3   4   5   Forward