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sympathy with certain 'grosser manifestations of masculine character, such as smoking.' Some women think me unusually observing of women's dress. My own is by no means effeminate. In a muscular way I have average strength, but am supple far beyond what is usual. If trained for it early, I believe I would have made a good contortionist.
"I have never had the least inclination to use tobacco, generally take neither tea nor coffee, and seldom any liquor, never malt liquors. The dessert is always the best part of the meal. These tastes I attribute largely to my sedentary life. When out camping I observed a marked change in the direction of heartier food and mild stimulants.
"My physical courage has never been put to the test, but I observe that others appear to count on it. I am very aggressive in matters of religious, political, social opinion. In moral courage I am either reckless or courageous, I do not know which.
"I am, perhaps, a better whistler than most men.
"When I was quite little my grandmother taught me to do certain kinds of fancy-work, and I continued to do a little from time to time until I was 24. Then I became irritated over a piece that troubled me, put it in the fire, and have not wanted to touch any since. As a pet economy I continue to do nearly all of my own mending.
"I have a decided aversion for much jewelry. My estheticism is very pronounced as compared with most of the men with whom I associate, although I have never been able to give it much scope. It makes for cleanliness, order, and general good taste. My dress is economical and by no means fastidious; yet it seems to be generally approved. I have been complimented often on my ability to select appropriate presents, clothing, and to arrange a room."
M.O. states that he practises the love-bite at times, though very gently. He often wants to pinch one who interests him sexually.
He considers very silly the statement somewhere made, that inverts are always liars. Very few people, he says, are perfectly honest, and the more dangerous society makes it for a man to be so, the less likely he is to be. While he himself has been unable in two or three instances to keep promises made to withhold from sexual intercourse with certain attractive individuals, he has never otherwise been guilty of untruth about his homosexual relations.
The foregoing narrative was received eight years ago. During this interval M.O.'s health has very greatly improved. There has been a marked increase in outdoor activities and interests.
Two years since M.O. consulted a prominent specialist who performed a thorough psychoanalysis. He informed M.O. that he was less strongly homosexual than he himself supposed, and recommended marriage with some young and pretty woman. He attributed the homosexual bent to M.O.'s having had his "nose broken" at the age of 6, by the birth of a younger brother, who from that time on received all the attention and petting. M.O. had continued up to that age very affectionate toward his mother and dependent on her. He can remember friends and neighbors commenting on it. At first M.O. was inclined to reject this suggestion of the specialist, but on long reflection he inclines to believe that it was indeed a very important factor, though not the sole one. From his later observations of children and comparisons of these with memories of his own childhood, M.O. says he is sure he was affectionate and demonstrative much beyond the average. His greatest craving was for affection, and his greatest grief the fancied belief that no one cared for him. At 10 or 11 he attempted suicide for this reason.
Also as a result of the psychoanalysis, but trying to eliminate the influence of suggestion, he recollects and emphasizes more the attraction he felt toward girls before the age of 12. Had his sexual experiences subsequently proved normal, he doubts if those before 12 could be held to give evidence of homosexuality, but Page 4 from 7: Back 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 7 Forward |